Tweet Me - this post might help someone.
Marriage is a commitment of sorts and like any relationship, comes with it's own insecurities and fears. This case is no different. How important is it to look desirable for your better half? That is the question.Love Ladder received an email from Rajeev, asking for advice. He described in his own words the problem he currently faces.
Here's what he had to say: (the mail has been edited so it show-cases only the problem)
Hi,
Rajeev Gharewal here. I am from Mumbai. 35 years and married.
Let me tell you my problem.
I don't think anyone will be able to help me. Only I can do that to self. Still, I would like to know if I can get some advice.
I'm a good and a loving husband to my wife but the problem is that I am a little bulky and heavy and my wife is proportionate in shape. I have tried to slim down as she has told this to me many times. But I am not able to. And lately, even sexually, because of my bulkiness I am not able to 'perform', although I am very good in it.
On other fronts we are very good. I go to the Gym also regularly. At least I try. Now I don't know what to do.
My REAL problem is that I think my wife will finally get attracted to some other man soon as she is good looking too. Please advice me.
Thank you Love Ladder.
Regards,
RG.
Love Ladder speak:
Thanks for writing in Rajeev. We hope you get what you are looking for here. Hold your chin up. You're now getting help from unknown but caring angels. :-)
So....Love Ladder visitors, you all heard him.
Let's get involved and create some magic for Rajeev. Let's all join our hands together. Let him stand on our hands as we lift him slowly higher towards THE Ladder of CONFIDENCE.
33 comments:
Hi Rajeev...i see no reason for u to worry , but anyways i think u stop worrying too much about the problem and talk to her about this. i am sure she will understand ..if she really loves the inner beauty in you then she will help you to get out of the insecurity ..all i would like to say is..dont keep imagining things, if u feel there is a problem then discuss it with her.
And 1 more thing Rajeev...if you think she can leave you just cos you r not as attractive as her...i think you shoud let her go.
Hi Rajeev, I'm no expert here but I think health-wise, it's of utmost importance that you reduce and get in shape. Your wife is right.
On the other hand, I believe there are there ways for pleasuring each other. take professional help, don't be shy.
As far as your wife leaving for someone else is concerned....has she shown signs of that?? If she hasn't, maybe ur jus being a bit insecure about it.
Think positive. Things will be ok soon. I sincerely wish u luck.
hi rajeev
i am not good at giving advice but let me try....i myself was really fat and ugly looking had the fear i wud never get someone in my life since i was like tat so i decided to go for a weightloss....i had tried many places but all in vain then i came across this lady names rajshree vora nad thru yoga and proper diet within 4 months i lost 12 kgs and looked as beautiful as ever...if u want her number then do reply her and i will forward it to u.
ok the number of tat lady is 9323333303
hey rajeev,
you really have to have a heart to heart with your wife and sort out all your issues. Its the inner beauty that counts and not physical beauty.
Good Luck!
Hi Anshu, Rajeev here. My wife's name is Lata. I speak to her but its is all talk. Nothing solid. And this thing is that she smiles and laughs more frequently with some guys I know and she knows like common guys we both know. God knows wot will happen now.
Thank you Anshu, u r nice. Thanks for the help.
Oh no ms Anshu, that is impossible. I cant leave my wife. I have a daughter u see.
Rajeev.
Hi Anand. Yes yes you are right. I agree. I am doing as much as possible trust me. But I dontknow any professional like that. But If you really think so, let me think about it.
My wife has shown signs like that of leaving me or not too concerned about me these days. So I am desperate. Thats why this letter to Love Ladder. Yes, I am thinking positive. Thank you sir for your advice. I will take it.
Rajeev.
12 kgs in 4 months? Through yoga? ok thanx so much. I will call that number and take advice. She is a professional, right?
I will try. I will try.
Thank you
RG
Yes right Imp's mom.
Are you Love Ladder? Thank you so much. Really.
But she does not talk too much with me these days. We also had a fight sometime back so even that is on my head. It is stressful.
But I will try to talk with her. I wil follow your advice.
thank you..
Rajeev,
well, if she is not talking to you much, why don't you write her a letter?
am not sure what signs you are talking about, but till she tells you specifically she is leaving you, how can you be sure?
And LL was started by Anand, he's the guy you should really thank!
Hi Rajeev.. one thing here is u seem to lack self confidence and that is why maybe.. i say maybe when u see ur wife around u , u have these negative vibes that distances u from her.. im sure u have qualities like humor and i dont know.. u know urself better.. bring those out and let people see that u are a good person..
I have seen a lot of ppl on the heavier side with so much confidence and believe me a lot of girlfriends and its their personality that accounts not their weight.. and while u working at it.. hit the gym, maybe detox for a while.. work out and show ur wife that u are making a true effort..
Wish u all the best Rajeev...
Hi rajeev..
i will say that plz dont think abt your weight lit the candles of confidece in u..
Coz positive attitude and gud personality (i.e taught clearity and dressing sense) hide every flaws of an individual
try to be little more romantic. plan out some touching surprises for her make her feel how important she is in ur life.
Hope best will come to u
Regards
SD
Thanx Rajeev ...
You are a very responsible father and a gud husband...I am sure lata also understands her responsibilities...so there is nothing much to really worry about..just chill and enjoy all the free time u get wid her and the kid...have a positive attitude and everything else will fall into place.
All da best for a happy married life.
Hello all, I have called the number. But that doctor is very far from where I live. So it will not do for me. But I will try other things also now. you all have motivated me now. :-)
Thankx again.
-Rajeev.
Btw, Imp's Mom, I think physical beauty has it's own worth in marriage. Beauty has to be there. Ofcourse the way beauty is judged by different people is different...but no denying the fact that it's gotta be there....atleast in some percentage.
Rajeev, Everyone is good looking ya. Even u. It's on what scale you judge yourself that matters.
It would be completely over the edge if you compare yourself to film actors. Be practical n real. That's being truthful to yourself. Rite?
Rajeev, The quote"assumptions are the mothers of all evils" suits u at this point of time!!!! U don't have to worry at all!!!! U r doing ur own bit so why worry and create hassle! Physical beauty is imp but only to a certain extent! COMPATIBILITY TOPS THE LIST MY FRIEND!Don't fear as the ghosts of fear are more fearful than the actual!
Well said Ankita.
Fuck your wife as much as you can. Then see what happens at last. Atleast you won't be at loss.
Anonymous.... some people may think on those lines....but is that the solution??
Rajeev,
May I ask you something? If you already knew that, she is very good looking and you are not, then why did you marry her? You should select a girl who is equivalent to you in appearance. But you didn't. Because, whatever happens you boys want a bautiful girl and then it does not matter if she cares for you or do not care for your feelings. You can adjust with the unadjustable attitude of good looking girl but you can never adjust with a good natured girl who is not good in appearance.
I am not at all kind for you.
...and you boys learnt this when you get divorced from a good looking girl. Then sencond you surely go for the good natured girl.
I pity on those girls who for no reasons suffer from such discrimination. You need to pay for discimination towards humanity. I won't say the best wishes to you. I would say, God should give you what you have sown in the field.
Anonymous...
The moment you say 'you boys', you are making a generalization which by itself is not an 'individualistic' statement.
With due respect to your point of view and with complete understanding to what you mean, we,the people, must ASSUME that he has already realized his folly, is already in trouble and has therefore asked for help.
Therefore, wouldn't it be great to help instead of be angry at him? :)
No, its not at all "would be great to help" because he has made mistake kowingly. He is educated. He must have read many books in the school which must have mentioned that...we should not discriminate, we should not go over looks, Person is more importance not his/her appearance. Instead he must have sang many songs in his school days mentioning the same lines.
After all this, if a person makes a mistake, then its not a mistake. Its crime for self desires. And any self-desire that creates problem for common public is a crime.
Of course, I have mentioned boys. Because, 99% boys are doing this. Rajeev is also included in the act. So all who are making discimination, they have to face the results today or tomorrow. You can see...the divorce rate, extra-marital relationships...how fast they are increasing in India. Do you think that comes in our culture? It does not. But activites and selfish desire, discrimination of such people are the reason of such crimes.
I won't mind if you will say that girls go for money. But I do know that there are very few do not go just for money. I care for that. I respect them. Similarly, I respect those boys who do not go for looks, but for her character, nature. I am with goodness. And what if there are only one percent public in it. I will pray best for them. But I will always say, those who have spoiled lives of good people, they have to feel the burnt.
A question...Can you remove the paint of those boys and girls who suffered becuase of your heinious acts in which they were not at all fault? The answer is no. Then how you people can be forgiven. It would be injustice to them.
Dear Anonymous,
India is a democratic country. All of us have rights to choose what we think is right for us individually.
After making a choice, that individual is completely responsible and accountable for his or her deeds.
But we are talking about an individual, not any one particular sex, simply because everybody is different and everyone has a different opinion, a point of view.
As for your question on if we can erase the bad done to the people who suffered...you're right - we cannot. We understand their plight yet it will not be right to involve everybody and generalize.
Having said that, Anonymous, we respect your thoughts and understand your point of view. we would like to thank you for your valuable time spent on Love Ladder. You are always welcome to share your thoughts.
God bless,
Love Ladder.
Dear Love Ladder,
"India is a democratic Country.".
I agree, that India is a democratic country. And everyone has freedom. But Freedom does not meant that you start using it for wrong purpose. We are provided freedom for making development in positive direction. We do not have right to misuse this freedom. Just take an example: Suppose you have a daughter and you provide freedom to her and sent her out of home for acquiring higher education. However, she misuses her freedom and does all the wrong things...then what would u call her, and what would be your reaction?
Secondly, Freedom does not meant that every one has right to choose what they think is right for them individually. It should have concern for the society. India is not made up of an Individual. It is made up of millions of people. The way you write here that everyone has right to choose what is right for them individually, then I think it is nothing but seeing your benefit. And then it does not matter, even if millions of people suffer for that.
Do you know that's the main point from where corruption arised?
Exactly what you have written is what our ministers, high profile people are following. They just do what is right for their benefit and not for the benefit of people. And that how the common people suffer. And then as you also come in those common people, you shout at your top of voice..."all these ministers are corrupted. Change them. Punsih them." WHY do you shout them, when you yourself are doing the same? The only difference is that you do it at your level. And they do it at their level.
Its completely right to say, first you stop doing contributing to corruption.
One more example? Have you heard about 3G scam. MR. Manmohan Singh..He knew everything still he kep quiet. Later on when he caught, then he made an excuse that its coalition givernment so I had to keep my mouth shut. Dam it! If you do not have guts to open your mouth, why did you took the seat? Just because of your benefit? And then he says sorry? DO you think he shoul be excused? Millions of people have provided their comments. He should not be excused. This is not the solution that you make the mistake knowingly and then simply say sorry and put an end to the game. Then everyone will do the same. First they will make mistake for their bnefit.If caught they will say sorry and then as usual the things will go on. Just accepting the mistake is not the soultion. What about the people who got loss because of it? What about those who have suffered because of this?
Thirdly, as you have said that "We understand their plight yet it will not be right to involve everybody and generalize."
Oh! great. "We understand. We are sorry." Just these two or three words of sympathy to those people and over.
Fourtly, you say it won't be right to involve everybody and generalize. I smile. Go and check matrimonials. You will find the truth.
The truth is Corruption is generalized. All boys looking for beautiful girl. All girls looking for handsome package.
Oh..you have not published my comment. It seems you want to contribute to corruption.
I wish you could have understand the realities and fight against the corruption. But probably, you must be having some benefit so...
Good Bye
No comments have been deleted. This blog is for all kinds of thoughts and feedbacks. Although, we prefer the comments mainly to be focused on the 'help' factor since the person who has asked for help would expect help comments instead of arguments and talk that do not contain any resolution to the problem he faces.
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My name is Sarvar and I'm Muslim.
I don't know it's written In Islam or not, but I've hear about this from wise people. They used to say wife must be more beautiful than her husband, husband must be higher than wife, he must be richer than wife and he must be wiser than his wife. They say you should follow that rules when you are choosing a wife. So, I think it's not very big deal. If you love ur wife and you are kind to her, it's a big thing for women. And you are trying to be slim or smth.
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