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Beauty vs Goodness - Take your pick..

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Choosing a life partner. Now that's a job.

Well, here's Parvej. He wrote to us saying he is about to get married to a girl chosen by his parents...(read arranged marriage). Parvej says that the girl chosen by his parents is good but not as beautiful as he would like his 'to be bride' to be.

Well, here's the groom to be in his own words :

Sender's Name : Parvej
Sender's Email : [hidden]
Referrer : http://loveladder.blogspot.com/2009/05/contact-me_01.html

"I have some confusion while choosing life partner, My parents has found one life partner for me, but i have some confusion to select her. Actually her behaviour is good, she is well educated and everything is good but she is not pretty (not beautifull) that is the reason confusing me to select life partner. My parents like her very much. but my only problem is she is not beautiful. so plz suggest me to take a decsion.
So, I am expecting your suggesion on that.. please reply me.. it is very important for me..."

So that was Parvej. Apparently, he means to say that his bride needs to be good looking over good manners and behaviour. So now the age old million dollar question to answer is this ---> what is better - Good looks + good/bad behaviour OR Decent average looks but good manners/behaviour ?? That really is a toughie.

Love ladder speak:
Dear Parvej,
Thank you for writing in. we appreciate it. Kindly let others know about us.
Ok now, we know your query and we understand the confusion you face.
Here's a fact first:
Nobody is beautiful to everybody. By the same logic, nobody is ugly to everybody either. In other words - everybody is average, in terms of statistics. :)
Beauty is not just one thing but a combination of heart, head, brains, nature, behaviour, words and lastly skin. A wise guy about to get married would choose everything in that list. Why do you want to choose only one (skin)? Be a wise man and choose all. It's your life ka sawaal.
Make a positive approach to the girl chosen by your parents and ask her the questions on how she would deal with things in your and her daily life on daily average things. Make your judgement by the answers she gives and you will know.
Don't forget to send us the wedding invite. ;->
Best of luck.
Love Ladder.

Calling all Love Gurus - what's your say? Parvej is asking for your advices and suggestions. He seems confused on the choice of his life partner. Go ahead, tell him how it should be. Let's help him make this crucial decision on the marriage rung of the ladder of his life. Over to you dear readers. :-)


Daisy said...

I think your problem is that it's not just that the girl is not beautiful, it's just you personally don’t like her and from what love ladder said, it is true that person's beauty is not just looks, it's a combination of things. But actually this list of things are determined by us ourselves not by the general public or standards. You yourself determine what qualities make a person beautiful for you. Whether it’s a good heart or pretty shapes.
So to us people the way we percept a person starts with looks and not just looks it's a certain type of chemistry, meaning when we meet a person there will be a connection between you two which is established on looks, the way a person talks, the way a person sounds to you, the way you react on the person, so basically our inner response forms our own perception of whether a person is good looking for us or not. It's not written here whether you met this girl or not, if not I would suggest meeting her and if there is no connection established I would suggest not marrying her, because after all it's you who's gonna be living with this girl "till the death do you part" so to say, and if from the beginning there is nothing for you that you can be attached to, maybe in years you would appreciate her good behavior and education, but if she doesn’t turn you on now, there is not much chance she will with time, and you probably will end up looking for or wishing to be with someone else. And the girl would definitely feel that you’re not liking her and it would probably make her unhappy. But again you need to rely on what is important for you in a partner and marry someone you want to marry.
So I would suggest to keep looking maybe you'll be lucky enough to have a girl you're physically attracted to and who will be a good person with good manners. I’m talking from my personal experience, so I understand what you’re talking about. But again meet her, talk to her, and see maybe you will come to like the way she looks when you spend time with her, because photos usually don’t do much. Good luck!

ankita mehta said...

I think Parvez you don't want to get married to her and you have caught on her looks which is baseless. The crux of the matter is you are under pressure and also you are unable to say NO to your parents. Be a MAN and be crystal clear about what you want and convey your decision to your parents rather than regret your whole life and also spoil that girl's life too... Uski toh koi galti bhi nahi hai..

Anand said...

Parvej, if remove their makeup, most of our own actresses look like hags.
Go for the girl who is kind hearted ,who you can talk with and be comfortable with. Beauty will give you nothing eventually. With time you will realize that true beauty is good nature and behavior and skills to keep everyone happy and in good spirit.

Love Ladder said...

Daisy, well said. Your suggestion makes complete sense.
Ankita, well put. 'Be a man' is right.

Anonymous said...

I'll keep my comments short and sweet. Go thru your parents old wedding albums and compare "looks", before and after style..You'll know where I am going at.
People change, looks change. What looks good now, will change over the course of time.
If you are going to let physical attributes of a person govern your thoughts then your are ever-so-wrong.
Spend time with the girl, get to know her.
Think about it.

Imp's Mom said...

Anand,Warren,Ankita and Daisy: Well Said.

Parvej, beauty is only skin deep, doesn't last very long. It ages too. What matters most is how you connect with her. Meet her, look beyond the physical attributes, get to know her and then decide. And if you still do not connect, don't force your self to get married to her just cause your parents like her and want you too. There is a huge chance that you will end up ruining lives, your's included.

ankita mehta said...

Thanks Imp's Mom and Anand:) And Parvez, act wise!

Anonymous said...


Go out, and marry a girl who is beautiful, good grooming, hardly quality educated, hardly have sense to talk and have no emotions at all. YOu will surely adjust everything for a beautiful girl. But when you will come in your problematic days, these beautiful girl will surely ditch and select some other men for money. I will always say and wish that God should give you a very beautiful girl which is your prime importance. But please for God sake do not marry this girl. Because you will end up in spoiling her life for no reasons. I pray the best for this simple good natured girl.

-A hunan being

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