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"Women and wine, game and deceit, Make wants greater and wealth retreat."

When a teenager has female 'best' friends, he is on the curve of experimentation of various kinds. But what if it's a man of 32 and women of 28? Where does that lead to? The answer to that one maybe a bit tricky. Only circumstantial evidence could lead to the truth. That's exactly the dilemma Tanu here faces.

Tanu wrote to us explaining what's going on between a guy she knows and his 2 friends who are of the female kind. This 'buddiness' of theirs is a bit too close for comfort and quite open to be publicly judged.

Here's what she wrote to Love Ladder asking for advice:
[The original mail has been edited to keep the main points in focus.]

Hi,I am Tanu Yatish, 27 of age. I have been lurking in ur blog for some time. :-)

Here's the situation:
There's a guy, lets call him X [32 yrs old]. He's got 2 best friends [girls]. Let's call them Y & Z [both 28 yrs old].
Now, I don't like 'X' and have no intentions of being with him.

These 3 spend late nights, staying over, traveling together, buying expensive jewelery on birthdays etc. He spends 80% of his time with them, always in a better mood whenever they are around & they enjoy a strange kind of humor- it involves a lot of sexaphors. Apparently their families are comfortable with all this.

What he also does with one of the girls "Y" is constantly and secretly takes pictures of her and them together. He helped her move in to the same building & clean the apartment. He gets her laundry bills..etc. He also has a recording of her some silly sex simulating thing they tried on gym ball.

He lives alone. God forbid if anyone was to comment on these girls or speak of love between them he reacts very bitterly and becomes resentful without showing it. There's no sex between them. He says other girls are not interested in him because these two girls are gorgeous.

He tends to make fun of me indirectly whenever they are around. He always says he can't commit, get married, surrender blah blah.. doesn't have much interest for a relationship either. Now "Y" is getting engaged and he still wants to hang on. And I am planning to get engaged in a few months too.

My questions to you are:
1) Do u think he's hung up (overly pre-occupied) on this girl "y"?
2) What do u think he's trying with me? (I think he's just honing his craft & not being sincere. He seems to be genuine only with these two girls not with others)
3) He's not a good boy friend material for any girl, is he?
4) why do men prefer marrying/being in relationship with women younger to them?

Plz share what u think. Take care bye. Thanks.

So that was Tanu. You heard her. This is no love triangle..it's a quadr-angle...or quadruple if you like it. We need to clear this one for sure for her since this happens with everybody one time or the other..in various different ways and in different levels.

Love Ladder speak:
Hi Tanu,
Thank you for your mail. We appreciate it.

Quite evidently X, Y and Z, all 3 of them are separate, unattached individuals. All 3 of them are taking secret advantage of each other for their own purposes (read timepass).

If you are looking for answers only generally, we advice you to just walk up to him straight up and ask. If he gets rude, he's not much of a friend, is he? Moreover, since you aren't interested in him romantically and vice-versa, we don't think there should be much of a worry, rite?

Lastly, remember - you can never force love. Be wise and more importantly be mature.
Best of luck. God Bless.
Love ladder.

Love Ladder Visitors.....It's now your turn to help the lady in question. Your advices weigh much in her mind. Take time out and help her. She needs your opinions. Let's all of us think this out and help her move up the ladder of Clarity and Happiness !!


Aaarti said...

Ok, i have a doubt.. infact to make sure am not making a mistake, i read Tanu's mail not once, twice but three times.. nowhere does she talk about what her relationship is with the guy.. She loves him? Coz that is the only reason she would be bothered about his behaviour/acts/and is irked by what he does.....

Anyways, assuming that is the case, here are my likely answers to her questions-
1)Do you think he's hung up (overly pre-occupied) on this girl "y"? - maybe, or he is secretly obsessed/in love with her, but unsure of her feelings and so does these little things for her to make sure she hangs around him... or just having fun!!

2) What do u think he's trying with me? (I think he's just honing his craft & not being sincere. He seems to be genuine only with these two girls not with others) - I dont see the connection between him and u on the post and so it should matter to you unless you love him, in which case you need to have a tete a tete talk..[pls clarify or let me know if i have missed something and i apologize if i have]

3) He's not a good boy friend material for any girl, is he? - Thats not true.. some guys can seem loose n wierd around girls, but when they set their heart on a woman, they change , get completely dedicated[not just saying it, seen it happen]

All the best....

Imp's Mom said...

Here are my answers Tanu,

1. I do think the guys is totally hung over "Y" and is likely to be for a long time. He is prob just waiting around to check to see if Y feels the same way too, irrespective of her getting engaged.

2. honing his craft??yup!

3. He could be a good boyfriend material once he figures out who the girl is gonna be. Till then he is gonna just play around.

the best thing to do really would be as LL suggested, sit down and have a chat with him. the only way you'll know what the absolute truth is.

And if he is just playing the field, get off his playground and keep him at arms length. U need a guy who will want and cherish u and only you.

Anonymous said...

hey Tanu here @Aarti hey,thnx for commenting,qstn was abt x & y not abt x & me.he is normal with z & everyone else.i paid attention & observed his behaviour only after he turned on the game with me-a lot of verbal appreciation,validation,saying he wants the same things from life as i do but not abt money.i am really not bothered or irked by what he does.i have a general interest in this unusual situation thats all. i felt he was hung over this grl & wanted to know if rational unconnected people wld feel the same but given his tendency to hold grudges,bitter reactions & fierce defense of this grl i am not too keen abt talking abt this with him.thnx

@imp's mom, hey thnks for commenting, hugs!!!:-)
it was impossible to be verbal abt this without being labelled as being in love or jealous.thnx for simple so true answers hugs and mmwwaaah!!!!! to u.

Anand said...

Hi Tanu,
It's a psychological game - this observation of human kind - especially men with raging hormones.
I read ur comment no 3 and I believe u will find men like X everywhere. He's quite normal in his behavior I would say.
The mystery here is ur real aim in this observation. That part I cannot understand.

In any case, if he's trying the same stuff with u as he has with Y and Z..he's just, as u aptly put, honing his craft. Hopefully he doesn't 'show off' his winning prizes (Y and Z) to his friends and sundry.

here's wot I think:
*I think it's great to observe things from a distance.
*He is very indecisive on things.
and as to why men prefer women younger....u can safely blame our tradition and history for that.

Best of luck.

Anonymous said...

hi, tanu here,ohhhoo!! anand, theres no aim here :( ,observe as in out there in full view & i hadnt cared less to notice.ofcourse he is normal, its all innocent others had observed too but i voiced & shared it thats why i seem sour is it?:( we are happy he is hung-over & happy,not alone & sad. bcoz he spoke negetively abt ppl & how 'fun' it was to subject them to unreasonable malicious mischief[in my opinion & its fun to them:(] bcoz either they disagreed with their sexaphor humor or their idea of fun & he shows off his craft on these ppl(apparently foolish) with y & z,get it? being nice meant my turn as bakra & talking means endless trouble i've found men mischievous yet caring but not like him biased and unreasonable so when i do find someone like him i will come to u for advice:)

Anand said...

Ya, grt u shared it. A lot of men r like X. And ur rite..men hv different shades jus' like women too.
And sum men surrender to their fetishes jus like X here.
Oh and ur most welcome to cum to me for advices and opinions. Ur most welcome. :)

Rajeev said...

Hi Tanu,
You will find all kinds of people and men out there. Just take him as he is. I think you will be happier that way. Why complicate things?

ankita mehta said...

Tanu, you are not interested in him, thats quite visible from the mail!! Plus why are u so worried and observant about a guy and his acts particularly when you are not interested!! They are far better things in life to give attention to!!!! I don't see any relevant point in this mail!

and regarding X,Y,Z! Here is my opinion: psychotic they are , no hormonal changes nothing just one sentence: they get sadistic pleasure in all this.

ankita mehta said...

plus it is very convenient to say that once x finds his girl he ll set his heart there!! ye toh wohi baat hui ki 100 chuhe khake billi haj ko challi!! Tanu , i am completely aware that its not your issue and ur not irked by his acts. I guess you want our opinions or answers to your questions. i opologise if i am rude but I don't intend to be uncouth.I voiced my opinion!!

Anand said...

Ankita, I agree with ur comment no 8, the initial para. Makes sense.

Anonymous said...

hey tanu here@ankita,apology accepted.attention-observe-like i said before,i hadnt known/noticed x his friends their malicious ways which other ppl had,i was pushed to observant(attentive-watch out for myself mode) only after his game play.i'd never come across such ppl or situation so felt the need for uninvolved ppl to validate.life does have far better things this is only an isolated experience.

Anonymous said...

tanu..\\i'd never come...validate//there in is relevance.

Anand said...

Tanu, I agree with u when u say u had the need to hv uninvolved folks look at this from thier own angles n speak out their opinions...Love Ladder is the perfect platform for that. Isolated incident or not, it's grt to quench the thirst of curiosity, isn't it?
So Tanu, now..we wonder..what are your ideas and opinions about the whole issue? We all would definitely love to know. Tell us your frank thoughts. :)
Anand. :)

sm said...

nice story.
Three are good friends and know how to enjoy life as everyone is clear about each other.
and male is honest no intention to marry.

Anand said...

Hi Sm....Thanx for droppping in. Ur welcome here. :)

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