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"Women and wine, game and deceit, Make wants greater and wealth retreat."
When a teenager has female 'best' friends, he is on the curve of experimentation of various kinds. But what if it's a man of 32 and women of 28? Where does that lead to? The answer to that one maybe a bit tricky. Only circumstantial evidence could lead to the truth. That's exactly the dilemma Tanu here faces.
Tanu wrote to us explaining what's going on between a guy she knows and his 2 friends who are of the female kind. This 'buddiness' of theirs is a bit too close for comfort and quite open to be publicly judged.
Here's what she wrote to Love Ladder asking for advice:
[The original mail has been edited to keep the main points in focus.]
Hi,I am Tanu Yatish, 27 of age. I have been lurking in ur blog for some time. :-)
Here's the situation:
There's a guy, lets call him X [32 yrs old]. He's got 2 best friends [girls]. Let's call them Y & Z [both 28 yrs old].
Now, I don't like 'X' and have no intentions of being with him.
These 3 spend late nights, staying over, traveling together, buying expensive jewelery on birthdays etc. He spends 80% of his time with them, always in a better mood whenever they are around & they enjoy a strange kind of humor- it involves a lot of sexaphors. Apparently their families are comfortable with all this.
What he also does with one of the girls "Y" is constantly and secretly takes pictures of her and them together. He helped her move in to the same building & clean the apartment. He gets her laundry bills..etc. He also has a recording of her some silly sex simulating thing they tried on gym ball.
He lives alone. God forbid if anyone was to comment on these girls or speak of love between them he reacts very bitterly and becomes resentful without showing it. There's no sex between them. He says other girls are not interested in him because these two girls are gorgeous.
He tends to make fun of me indirectly whenever they are around. He always says he can't commit, get married, surrender blah blah.. doesn't have much interest for a relationship either. Now "Y" is getting engaged and he still wants to hang on. And I am planning to get engaged in a few months too.
My questions to you are:
1) Do u think he's hung up (overly pre-occupied) on this girl "y"?
2) What do u think he's trying with me? (I think he's just honing his craft & not being sincere. He seems to be genuine only with these two girls not with others)
3) He's not a good boy friend material for any girl, is he?
4) why do men prefer marrying/being in relationship with women younger to them?
Plz share what u think. Take care bye. Thanks.
So that was Tanu. You heard her. This is no love triangle..it's a quadr-angle...or quadruple if you like it. We need to clear this one for sure for her since this happens with everybody one time or the other..in various different ways and in different levels.
Love Ladder speak:
Thank you for your mail. We appreciate it.
Quite evidently X, Y and Z, all 3 of them are separate, unattached individuals. All 3 of them are taking secret advantage of each other for their own purposes (read timepass).
If you are looking for answers only generally, we advice you to just walk up to him straight up and ask. If he gets rude, he's not much of a friend, is he? Moreover, since you aren't interested in him romantically and vice-versa, we don't think there should be much of a worry, rite?
Lastly, remember - you can never force love. Be wise and more importantly be mature.
Best of luck. God Bless.
Love Ladder Visitors.....It's now your turn to help the lady in question. Your advices weigh much in her mind. Take time out and help her. She needs your opinions. Let's all of us think this out and help her move up the ladder of Clarity and Happiness !!