Oh No! My Parents chose a wrong partner for me..

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Hi folks,

April was the month of Child Sexual Abuse Awareness. Loveladder was concerned and therefore played a tiny hand in it. We hope it reaches the masses in a more informed way.

This is another month though. We received a troubled email that instantly put us back into 'trouble in paradise' solving mode. Shahid asked questions that had him stumped and thinking.

Shahid told us the following: (Edited version since the email was lengthy)
Sender's name : Shahid
Sender's Email : [Hidden]
Referrer : http://loveladder.blogspot.com/2009/05/contact-me_01.html

Hello,
I am 35, male and married since one year. I am highly educated but presently working in a temporary position. My wife is physically less attractive but educated and working. Her job is slightly better than mine at present.

Before marriage I had a few matrimonial offers of girls who were good looking. When the talks of our marriage were being finalized there were two proposals I had liked of good looking/educated girls but my parents said this girl (my present wife) is good for me. I sometimes feel bad that they refused the offers that I had liked. I keep thinking about this and therefore I am not able to give 100% to my relationship.

Adding to this, we live separately and meet only every other 2-3 months.


My in-laws are not very much educated. My in-laws repeatetdly force my wife to quit her job though I'm in favor of her working and progressing in her career. My in-laws keep commenting on my temporary job status. When I say something about this to my wife, she gets angry and we fight.

Now these fights are increasing. Most of the time our fights are due to interference of my in-laws.

My questions are:
* Is physical beauty important in marriage?
* How I can keep away from thoughts that I lost out on my early marriage proposals and are my parents to blamed?
* Should I take divorce from my wife and search for another suitable girl?
* How should I tackle the unnecessary interference of my in-laws?
* Should my wife quit her job and come with me?

Help me. Thanks.

Love Ladder Speak:
Dear Love Ladder visitors, we believe Shahid's questions reflect a common thought among those who have had arranged marriages. The New India progresses ahead in step with the new world with new thoughts and horizons, yet we somehow remain attached with the colors of an era that slowly fades. We still believe in arranged marriages and give it precedence in comparison to Love marriages.

It's finally on each one of us to decide. Let's try and answer Shahid's questions for he asks for our understanding, logic and help. Let's help him ease his mind and help him climb up the ladder of mind-peace.

Read On >> Oh No! My Parents chose a wrong partner for me..

CSA Awareness Month

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Child Sexual Abuse Exists. CSA happens in almost every household irrespective of their social standing; happens equally to boys and girls. And the abuser is not necessarily a male. 

It does not matter if you are not a parent. The knowledge you gain today may save a hapless child tomorrow.

A few bloggers, have joined hands and started the Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Blog. Over the month of April 2011, a whole lot of bloggers and non-bloggers will be coming together to post on various aspects of Child Sexual Abuse in a bid to create awareness about an issue which affects over 50 per cent of children of the world. This, the Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month April 2011, will run across their blogs as well as the CSA blog, In addition to these posts, the CSAAM blog will feature survivor stories, posts by experts and NGOs working in these fields.

Love Ladder inclusive of all who have joined hands hopes that this concerted effort will bring this topic of criminal offence out of the closet and teach parents how to educate their children about predators, preventing their children from being abused and knowing how to deal with your child, should such a situation arise or occur. Our children deserve a safe and happy childhood.

Come join us in the effort and keep our children child safe and make this a better world for them to experience. 

Here is how you can participate.

If you would like to add to the discussion or know somebody else who would, please note that we welcome entries 

• mailed to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com OR

• posted as FB notes and linked to Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month Page OR

• posted on your own blog with the badge and linked to the main blog OR

• linked or posted on Twitter tagged twitter.com/CSAAwareness OR

 The list of topics is available here. Anonymous contributions are accepted and requests for anonymity will of course be honored. CSA will probably be hosting at least one guest post and encourage you to do the same for non-blogging friends.Please remember to send in a mail with all necessary links or just your input to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com so that we can track your contribution and make sure that it is not inadvertently lost or something. U can also support it simply by adding our the logo of the initiative in your blog’s sidebar.
<a href=”http://csaawarenessmonth.wordpress.com/” _mce_href=”http://csaawarenessmonth.wordpress.com/” target=”blank”><img src=”http://csaawarenessmonth.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/csa-logo.jpg” _mce_src=”http://csaawarenessmonth.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/csa-logo.jpg” alt=”" /></a>

Being aware and informed is the key. Learn to recognise the signs and help a child. We, as adults owe it to them.

Read On >> CSA Awareness Month

Are all guys heartless?

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[With help from Keymaker2k10 ]

Who doesn't have a heart? Who is an equivalent to a stone? What makes a person ruthless and why does a person switch the 'ignore' button on for some person?

Questions that have individualistic answers. Questions that are undefined, unanswered by the finest of the scientists of any age combined. A fact that clearly emerged though was that while men have brains that work in the logical way, independent of anything else, women have brains that work with the support of the heart.


Shruti wrote us a brief story of her want for someone that perhaps is a gist of the questions above. Her email was long. We tried making the long story short and yet it was a read. So have patience and read her woe. She wrote...

Sender's name : Shruti
Sender's Email : [Hidden]
Referrer : http://loveladder.blogspot.com/2009/05/contact-me_01.html

I have waited for a guy for almost 8 yrs now. 5 yrs ago I got an opportunity to tell him about what I feel for him. I started expecting a yes/no answer and one day I proposed to him. He said No and never called me after that.
Just 3 months later I called him up and asked him to forget everything else and at least continue being friends. He told me, “I don’t want to be friends with you-never ever”..n many other things like- “R u a beggar to beg for love n friendship?” He insulted me!! That was the day when I accepted the fact and moved on.

Suddenly, 3 months later, he comes to meet me with a gift asking many questions about my marriage plans to my family. I was perplexed and disgusted about this man. So I told him to get out.
Then I thought maybe he had started developing feelings for me, so I called him up and tried to apologize..but he wasn't interested in talking to me and it’s been countless years that I am just waiting and waiting for him. I have called him 10,000 times. LOVE is just a word. My feelings cannot be defined in words.

Just a week before I thought that maybe I should apply in the company where he works. But I got to know from one of his colleagues that he said "if she is waiting, let her wait. I DON’T CARE!!" Now this was a REAL SHOCK to me. After all what i gave him all these yrs was just love love n love and care ..care for his mom..worried for his mom..so much unconditional love and care that JUST CANNOT be defined in words..

What exactly should I do???? I want to get into his company. I want to get into a bigger company; to achieve and mark my own niche. I want to be THE NEXT POWERFUL LADY.. and I want to make him realize my worth.

Plzz everyone Its an earnest request..show me the way to my dreams, my aim. Tell me why guys disrespect Love? What is their mentality?? Will that time come when he'll realize my worth? Will he ever be sorry for the things he told to me and for me??

If you guys have ever loved someone plzz reply what exactly should I do?? Your motivation will give me a WAY.."

So you see? She wants to know a lot of things and she wants to know them straight. A clear case of a heartbreak. How do you mend a broken heart? Hmm..

Love Ladder Speak:
When there are a LOT of questions in mind, it's a given that all questions are born from one root cause 'nucleus question'. These questions, are therefore like a chain of balls attached to that one question. Once the root is answered, all others automatically fall into place.

Therefore, we will directly jump to the root cause question. Why did he ignore you?
Well, cause you are ignorant on playing the game of love, approach, proposal and tease when it comes to the opposite sex. You were either too fast, too hasty, too nice or too sticky. It doesn't work that way.

Well, it's been many years and as they say there are many fish in the pond. we understand that it will be difficult but we advice you to let the past be in the past, to forget him and move on. You will certainly find a good guy for yourself..provided you move on.
By your own words - we would like to see you as the next powerful lady. :)
Best of luck.
Love ladder.

People, we know the ladder of 'getting' a guy/gal. At least we think we do, don't we? Show Shruti how to climb the ladder of approach. Let's all help get her started.

Read On >> Are all guys heartless?