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What if there's ANOTHER man ??

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Sender's name : Jane doe
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Referrer : http://loveladder.blogspot.com/2009/05/contact-me_01.html

Jane sent a distress signal to Love Ladder. She pointed out a problem of mid wives that has become increasingly common lately. Interestingly though, this problem persists mainly in the metros or maybe women are openly talking about it.

Jane has been married for 8 years, has a 4 years old kid and unfortunately thinks she has lost love with her husband. Moreover, she has found potential love in a man 5 years younger to her.

Here is her email and the issue she faces in her own words.

"I have been married for 8 yrs. Am 30 wit a 4 yr old kid. Jus' a few months back I fell in love with a guy who is 5 yrs younger to me. I'm very confused. Dunno what I should make of this situation. I don't think I love my husband anymore. And I can't marry this guy. Since I can't deprive my kid of a father's love. What do I do?"

There. You heard her. She seems to be in distress. And it's time for Ladder visitors to jump to the rescue.

My word to Jane, " Thank you Jane, for letting Love Ladder know of your troubles. We believe sharing helps and we shall definitely try and help. I, the LL creator, am by no means an expert but I can suggest a few things...which I will - in the comment section.
But first - some good news for you. According to a research, an individual has capacity enough to love more than 1 person at a time. Take this positively and it's meaning will dawn on you. Meaning - The fact that you THINK you don't love your husband can be safely eliminated. You do have interest in your husband, only, the ball has rolled down from 'love' to 'like'. Quite alright. It's a ball - can be rolled back up. Smile.
I wish you luck. :-)"

Ok everybody, Jane's looking to us for help. Let's do our good deed with a smile and help her MOVE UP the Ladder of Love and out of confusion land.


Anshu said...

i am first.... will be back after reading..bye

Anand said...

Hi Jane, I think this is a peculiar situation. No straight answer to this. But I think, priority need be given to your current marriage for various reasons.
So, be honest and talk to your husband. Like really TALK your heart. Tell him u're out of love for him now and tell him the reason why. Tell him that's a dangerous situation and he has to do something about it soon.
Something positive should come out of it, Im sure.
Do this and let us know wot happened. Yea?

workhard said...

Hi Jane..

I totally agree with Andy..

Right now.. u have to figure out what your priorities are..because now its not just u and your hubby.. its about your kid too...

An open talk with ur hubby is the best bet..

Evaluate all your alternatives... Dont make any decisions in haste.

ani_aset said...

I will say there is not enough detail out here as to why jane you dont love ur husband anymore..may be working on an existing relationship has more potential of working out than going after something which you think will work out?

Imp's Mom said...

Jane, after 8 yrs of marriage ur bound to take one another for granted...maybe u feel that the spark, the excitement that was there earlier is missing... and just maybe ur getting this heady feeling with the new guy cause u feel its missing from ur life, maybe that's why u feel u don't love ur husband anymore... I could be totally wrong about this..... but u really need to talk it out with ur hubby as Anand says.

Good Luck!

Anand said...

Yep....Ani is rite. Not enough details actually. I wish We had more to work on.

Anand said...

Hey Jane, fortunately every ones agreeing with me. How bout letting us know how it went? Or if u accepted any of our advices?

jane doe said...

thanks for your advice guys.they really mean a lot to me.i have been trying to talk it out with my husband since a long time.thats the first step i took forward in mending my ways with my husband.but now i guess i dont care anymore.i try to be happy with my kid n work.i will let GOD decide whts good for me.guys just tell me one thing.am i wrong in having an affair .this guy makes me very happy. n i know its not a heady feeling or sumthing equally frivolous.its for real.

Anand said...

Jane...........Thank you. Over here, everyone unites and tries to genuinely help.

Well, tell u wot. There are certain people in this world who are not dominated by the cliches that is generally followed. They are the kind who just follow their whims, go where they want, do as they like. The logic - it makes them happy.

And the amazing thing is that the future conveniently converts itself into accepting their lifestyle and paves a smooth road ahead for them. Somehow the future creates no trouble for them. They lead a charmed life.

IN other words - FOLLOW YOUR HEART. It tells you the truth and shows you the way !!

jane doe said...

thanks anand . a lott

Sheens said...

Hey Jane,
I would like to initially state that no advice is right or wrong and please do treat all this as suggestions and finally go with your gut.

Firstly you would need to treat the issue about "falling out of love" with your husband as a separate issue as compared to you "getting involved with another guy"

Work with your relationship with your husband keeping out all factors such as your child or your boyfriend.
Please do find out the factors as to why your husband and you are growing apart.
Relationships usually get very dull and monotonous, but it does not necessarily mean you do not love your husband anymore.
There are times when one feels their emotional or even physical needs are not properly met. It could be also because we do send out the wrong vibes very often.
I repeat, please do work on your relationship with your husband first and then everything will fall into place.

Now, coming to your boyfriend; everybody loves spice and the initial phase of a relationship the most. But please do not mix up these elated feelings as love. Cos remember you started out the same way with your husband and now you are bored! So, please enjoy yourself presently, but do not jump into a serious relationship, only until you sort it out with your husband first.

Also, give everything time, but it also would be good to come to a decision at the earliest, to save you from unnecessary heartache!

Hope this helps!


Anand said...

Sheena, grt advice. To the point and crisp. We appreciate it and hope it is followed.

Thanx and keep visiting. We all need people who gauge situations and advice well. :-)

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