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Boyfriend apprehension - first call for help

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OK, so we have our first 'call for help and advice' at hand and there's a needy lady behind it.

This comes from a friend of mine who happend to visit "Love Ladder" and appreciated the idea behind it.

The "love Ladder" idea is simple :
It's not about me. It's all about YOU. "Love Ladder" encourages you to ask a question to the free world (Blog Readers) and expect answers in the form of advices and help.

A question regarding a problem that u face currently,
About something that is troubling you rite now,
Or something that is just too large for you to fathom or understand.
A question straight from your heart.

You have a choice to remain anonymous or reveal your identity. And EVERYONE who visits this blog is invited to advice / suggest and help.
This would be the love they share for ...and shower on... you.

"Love Ladder" revolves around the idea and the fact that "It's always great to have more heads than one trying to solve a problem." The chances of solving it increases according to the number of heads tackling it.
SImple ! I hope the idea seems clear.
So, this female friend of mine wanted me to put an issue she faces here...on her behalf. so here it is.

"Hi, My name is Protima, 26/F from Mumbai. Other than that, I choose to be anonymous. I'm not really troubled. I just have a simple question. And I would appreciate it if anyone can tell me how to go about it.
I'm having an affair with a guy and carrying on with him. We work in the same office.

I'm not the jealous kind but he has recently started taking interest in one of our colleagues, who is actually close to me and we are usually always together like freinds. His interest is like too much lately. And when I ask him about it, he says that my friend is quite funny and great to talk with and that I should relax, he is just friends with her and nothing else.
They laugh and joke a lot and to be honest, I really have not seen any hanky panky between them.

The problem is...I'm afraid, if this goes on...I might get side tracked. And I don't seem to have any idea on how to deal with it. Can anybody advice plz ? Haven't told this to anybody personally. Thank you."

So this is it. You heard her.

My word to my troubled friend, "I am by no means an expert on this and I would have only a little idea on how to deal with this......BUT, I'M CONFIDENT - the people who read this blog would have some advices for you for sure. You got invisible angels all around to help. Smile." ;-)

Arright....so everybody, Protima's asking for our help. Let's help her MOVE UP the LADDER OF LOVE.


workhard said...

Hi Protima.. I understand exactly what u mean cause i kinda went through the same situation once..It all starts with just friendship and then hanging out and then a lot more..

If you are in a seriously relationship and it is a two way.. thing.. then your guy should realize that his actions hurt you and you are not comfortable with it.. He needs to maintain distance.. Be very clear about this. There is no read between the lines.. just say it .. and make him understand.. then its time to walk out. cause if someone doesnot understand ur feelings and does something that hurts you.... he does not deserve your love..

At the same time, talk to your friend too..

You have to be open and sometimes blunt..

Anand said...

Hey there Wookie, grt advice. I happen to know Protima personally since college and I told her something in the same lines. Communication is the key, inni?

ARUNA said...

wow Wookie is sooo right......Clarity is very important in a relation!Protima, If something is troubling u inside, do not hesitate to communicate this to him...if he really cares for u, he wud understand wat u r going through!
But if he doesn't and continues the same.....u surely deserve someone better.
All i say is give n take should be always equal in love!

Anand said...

Hey Aruna..............well said. Be sure Protima will be reading this.

Rakesh Vanamali said...

Protima - I dont think there is any cause of worry here! Us guys like being friends with our girls' friends, without any intentions in mind.

I'd advise you not to read too much into this..... if he loves you then I'm sure he means you to be paramount for him even if that were to be not expressed!

Do not worry and please do not try to express any more dissatisfaction over this, as it could lead to a situation where he would see you to be infringing upon his social skills / circle!

Take care - Alls gonna be well!

Anand said...

Rakesh.............See that's wot I call a mans Point of view.

After all , guys r trust worthy too. U can't assume every guy to cheat.

Protima, when u read this..consider this as well.

Tanvi said...

I agree with Rakesh.

Protima: I don't think you need to worry on this situation. But I would suggest you just talk to him about your feelings.

Just make sure that you donot give him an ultimatum of stopping to talk to his friend or something....I suggest you leave it for him to decide and maintain a balance between your feelings and his friendship with her. I am sure he will understand.

Believe me, guy prefer a trusting girl friend...and it would strengthen your relationship.

Rose said...

Hey Protima :)
I've got mixed views on this, but it ultimately depends on the kind of relationship you two share. By you 2, I mean you and the girl, as well as you and dude.
Coz if a girl is really your friend, she'll watch herself and never put you in an uncomfortable situation - from what I know, guys work the same way too.
However, if you & the chiquita aren't that close, then just chill for a bit. Esp if you trust dude. Like you said, you haven't seen anything to stress about right? Plus you've already voiced your concerns. He's aware of how you feel. (WARNING: He may not remember, but don't hold it against him!Guys forget sometimes) If you trust him, you don't need to worry. But somewhere you probably don't, hence the fear of being side-tracked. So just be careful. You guys were all friends before, no reason for anything to change, not at least till you've actually SEEN something to worry about. Be normal. You may realise in a day or two that it was nothing at all!

Anonymous said...

Hi I'm PROTIMA. I would like to say...

Hi workhard, I'm not sure about the distance since we work in the same office. But i will talk clearly about this to him. I dont want my friendship to be broken either from anyone. But thanx so much for trying to help.

Hi Aruna, you want me to ask him to understand, meaning askhim to distance himself with my girl-friend?? See, thats the problem, How can I ask him to do that when he says there is genuinly nothing between them? Maybe he is right. Guys take offence on such things. But thanx for trying to help.

Rakesh hi. Im glad u had an advice here. I wanted a guy's point of view too. U maybe be right too. Maybe Im jus stressing myself too much over this. Thank you so much for trying to help.

Tanvi...you maybe right. No ultimatums. But I'll be keeping my eyes open for sure.

Hi Rose, yes, I have voiced my concern and he knows about it. And guys forget a lot of times. haha. True. But I trust him. And yes I have not really seen anything. So I'll wait and watch.

Anand, that was so sweet of your suggestion of putting my issue here so out in the open. I would never have done that. But I'm so surprised and over-welhemed that someone, infact so many people would actully like to help me - a complete stranger. This has helped me a lot.

Thankyou everyone soooooo much. I am taking a few advices. You all are very sweet. I love my guy and I hope my relationship stables.

- Protima.

Tanvi said...

U r most welcome Protima...We are all 'Vodafone Customer Service'...i.e Happy to help..lol

Anand said...

Tanvi.....U mean......helping 'climb the Ladder of love' Service.

Anand said...

Protima....no sweat. Best of luck.

Nehal said...

do keep us posted protima

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